He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
