Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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