Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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