he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
