I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
