he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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