Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
