I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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