she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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