you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
