Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
