I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
