No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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