U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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