Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
