That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
