bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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