nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
