he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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