the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
