her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
