she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
