Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
