Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
