hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
