there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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