Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
