we're chasing vodka with high fives
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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