I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
