wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
