so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it's like iHOP with fire
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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