And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
