Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
