I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
