how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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