You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
