Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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