Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
