A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
