we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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