everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
