I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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