So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
