im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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