dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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