Swine flu. Run for my life!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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