He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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