He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
