Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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