ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
