I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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